Shopping Hungry

Merry Christmas to Everyone!!  In honor of this special day, I present a holiday-themed Photo Hunt…

Can you spot what’s wrong with this picture? *

* Answer Key: nothing.  In fact, everything in this picture is exactly as it should be.  Receiving 12 Bed Bath & Beyond coupons for Christmas is so, so right.  They never expire!  And there was even one “20% off your entire purchase” coupon tucked in there — it was a Christmas miracle!  And, the fact that my family knew this was the perfect gift for me?  That’s just further proof that I will never have a boyfriend ever they know me too well.

Today I went to the grocery store.  I bought bananas, lettuce, eggs, and a silent killer.  Well, at least according to the very vocal lady in line behind me…


Lady: those poinsettias in your basket — you need to be careful, they’re poison!
me: um?
Lady: don’t let children or dogs near them, they might eat the leaves and die!  They’re poison!
me: I don’t have children or dogs, but thank you, that’s extremely helpful information.
Lady: well, don’t you eat them either!  Or put them next to food! They’re poison!
me: [blank stare]
The End.

Recap:
Guys, I know it’s the holiday season, and with it comes the temptation to feed poinsettia leaves to babies, house pets, and yourself.  But please, for the sake of the elderly lady at Safeway, don’t do it.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Thursday!  To celebrate this monumental occasion, I went to CVS and found you a really, really sentimental greeting card, straight from the heart, with signatures already included.

Can you spot what’s wrong with this picture?


Photo Hunt Thursday *

Photo credit goes, again, to my fake boss. Which makes me wonder why he’s at CVS so often.

*Answer Key: now, call me crazy, but if I received a birthday card full of names I didn’t recognize, I might start to re-think some things.

Do you have friends who are really, really lame?  So lame that they won’t go out on “school nights,” which they still call “school nights” even though they’ve been out of school for a long time?  So lame that they record their favorite shows not because they’re busy, but because they want to go to bed at a ‘decent hour’?

Well, lucky for you, I have spent the last several years impersonating a lame person, and product testing some incredibly lame items.  You know, just so I could provide you with gift ideas for your lame friends!  Not because I really, really wanted them, or because that lady at Bed Bath & Beyond told me I could still use my 20% off coupon even though it had already expired.  The fact that the following three items are the three most recent purchases on my credit card statement is merely a testament to the level of dedication I have to my craft…

Gift Ideas for Your Lamest Friends

1. A Bath Pillow.  WHAT?!  You’ve never heard of bath pillows??  Well good thing I caught you in time!  How else will you comfortably slump down in the tub for hours at a time while reading The Hunger Games literature??  And, let’s just hypothetically say that you wanted to bring your laptop into the bathroom, put it on the sink, and watch the ABC Family original series ‘Switched at Birth’ while taking a bath.  Again, just purely hypothetically — how else will your neck remain comfortably propped up through an entire episode?

2.  A Lazy Susan.  Yes, yes, we know you had one of these in your kitchen cupboard growing up.  They were great for finding the Lucky Charms in the middle of your mom’s fiber cereal crap.  But did you know that a Lazy Susan is a versatile, efficient way to solve some of your most pressing household conundrums?  Such as, how to watch The Golden Girls from bed, rather than walk clear across your entire studio apartment to the couch!  It helps to buy the ‘heavy duty’ one, which will easily hold the weight of that 32” box TV you bought from your friend’s old roommate when he “upgraded” to a “flat screen.”

3. A Soda Stream.  This amazing invention has the potential to really up the lame ante.  You see, while your friends are busy brewing their own homemade beer, you can be busy carbonating your own water!  But the fun doesn’t stop there — you can even add generic soda flavors to your newly carbonated water!  Including caffeine free Diet Cola, for Sunday through Thursday nights, and regular Diet Cola for Friday and Saturday nights.  If, however, you accidentally drink the regular Diet Cola on a school night, fear not — you can easily counteract the caffeine’s effect by taking a swig of that liquid melatonin you just bought!