Checklist for Mom’s Visit
My mom was in town a few weeks ago, and in putting together my ‘to do’ list, I thought I’d share it in the hopes that it can serve as a valuable guide for others…
Checklist for Mom’s Visit
1. Clean your apartment.
2. Ohmygod, how long has it been since you’ve cleaned your apartment?!
3. Panic
4. Buy everything in the cleaning supplies aisle at Target
5. Get home, unload, roll up your sleeves, develop a cleaning strategy.
6. Is that Swiffer Wet Jet liquid you bought?? You don’t even own a Swiffer Wet Jet. And I guess that ‘fine furniture polish’ is a little presumptuous for your IKEA collection.
7. Have you ever noticed how many little crevices there are in your apartment? Like, teeny tiny corners? And how do people clean these stupid white bathroom tiles?
8. Casually turn on the TV for some background noise.
9. Oooo, look! ABC Family is playing a Gilmore Girls marathon!!
10. I love this episode, it’s the one where Rory starts college and gets really homesick.
11. You know what? Now that I think about it, this apartment is fine.
Wish Me Luck
Today I’m making the possibly-worst-but-also-maybe-best decision ever? I’m starting a 30-day Bar Challenge. No, not that kind of bar.
Girl Scout Cookie Season
Girl Scout Cookie season is here! Or as I like to call it, Eating Your Feelings season!
I’m sure we can all think of at least one Girl-Scout-Cookie-related-disaster that we’d probably rather forget. If you’re like me, it involves accidental consumption, in one sitting, of an entire sleeve/box/crate of the variety of your choice. Which is definitely Samoas, right? Right. Or, the Girl Scout Cookie ice cream. Let’s not even talk about that.
Luckily, this year I breezed right past the ‘cookie catalog pre-sale’ phase, and have found myself squarely in the middle of the ‘immediate gratification, cookies in grocery store parking lots / strip malls’ phase. And, in all honesty, I’m just trying to take this one day at a time…
Girl Scout Cookie Season
Auto Fill
Naturally, yesterday I found myself needing to know the lyrics to that song, “Shake, Rattle, and Roll.”
When I went to search those exact words, I was met with a wallop of a punch to my emotional gut.
I love you, Google auto-fill-search-feature. But I don’t have to like you right now.
Being 80
I consider myself somewhat of a self-taught expert in the art of being 80-years-old. In fact, by the time I’m actually 80-years-old, I think I’ll have this down to a science. That is, if I don’t die of bed bugs, airplane anxiety, or WebMD first.
In the event that you, too, would like to start refining your craft, I thought I’d share some of my own best practices…
This week alone I have:
- Discovered a wad of hard candy wrappers in my coat pocket
- Visited an arthritic specialist for some hand problems I’ve been having
- After passing a tweenager on the street, loudly remarked to a friend that I’d “never let my daughter leave the house in a skirt that short”
- Brought a Tupperware full of cupcakes, a box of Girl Scout cookies, and a pack of napkins into a movie theater
- Asked a friend if she wanted to have ‘supper’ together
- During an iPhone commercial, yelled, “Why on Earth do you need to watch videos on your phone?!”
- Started a happy hour conversation with, “Can we talk about health insurance premiums?”
- Received an AARP catalog, addressed to me, in the mail…
…it’s like they know.
Dangerous Discoveries — The Frosting Edition
This has been a week full of really dangerous discoveries. The most recent is something I stumbled upon at the grocery store. Why I have not been formally barred from entering the “cake/baking/sugar” aisle is beyond me.
I’m not proud of it, but yesterday I bought chocolate frosting in a spray can…
1. Frosted actual cupcakes
2. Sprayed it directly into my mouth
3. Frosted a Special K bar I found in my cupboard
4. Opened a jar of peanut butter, sprayed frosting into it, swirled it around, and ate it with a spoon
Somebody, please. Come to my apartment and take this stuff away immediately.
Dangerous Discoveries — Doctor Google
I have some really, really terrible news.
Today, as I was doing my daily internet search of ailments, I discovered something new on Google — a sort of WebMD tie-in, whereby one search nets a simple list of everything that is absolutely not likely wrong with you.
Let it be known that today, February 21, was the day that Carrie officially fell into the rabbit hole…
Birthday Highs and Lows
Saturday I turned another year older, wiser, and more sensible. Right? Right. Overall, the day was a success and I feel very lucky to have such wonderful family and friends. But what would an event involving yours truly be without some over-analysis and moments of desperation? With that, I present, a few selected birthday highs and lows…
Birthday Highs and Lows
High: The 12 Cookie Monster cupcakes my friend J brought over to my apartment!
Low: Eating 12 Cookie Monster cupcakes in my apartment.
High: Knowing that I’ll never join the 27-club!
Low: “Carrie. You’re not famous. Why do you care about the 27-club?”
High: My birthday fell on a Saturday this year!
Low: My birthday fell on the day Whitney Houston died this year.
High: New experiences, like the Korean spa I decided to try out!
Low: Learning what makes Korean spas unique. For example, the “no swimsuits allowed in the pool” rule.
High: The dozen cupcakes that my friend A brought to my birthday happy hour!
Low: Realizing, halfway through devouring a cupcake that, not only was I eating alone, but Adele’s “Someone Like You” was playing ominously overhead.
And Then This Happened.
One of my favorite parts about birthday season is the vast array of ‘birthday deals’ that usually come through my inbox. This year, however, it seemed like the deals were pretty few and far between. In fact, I was starting to think that I wouldn’t receive any special birthday deals at all!
And then this happened.
Happy Birthday to Me!
Happy Hour Conference Call
Yesterday, we discovered the greatest/worst idea ever. Below is an excerpt from the actual email chain where this amazing/terrible concept was born. I think this might be a real slippery slope…
me: we need to decide where we’re going for happy hour tonight.
C: is everyone free at 12:00 to discuss over the phone?
A: I guess so?
C: OK, great, here’s the information: Call-in number: 1-800-776- Participant Code: 88
me: so, we’re having a happy hour conference call?
C: yes - I can’t type that fast, and it’s too hard to accurately reflect my emotions over email.
Recap:
this happened.
