Shopping Hungry

Rain Advice

Tue, 07 May 2013 09:19:16 -0400

Evidently, if you’d like it to rain, all you need to do is ask me to:

wake up earlier than usual;
spend 30 minutes straightening my hair; and
forget my umbrella at home

In conclusion, today I’m doing my best hair impression of “woman with finger in light socket.”

Pollyanna-ing the Situation...

Fri, 03 May 2013 09:38:00 -0400

I ordered oatmeal at Starbucks today, because, well, everyday on my way into work I order oatmeal at Starbucks.

When I got to my office, I reached into the bag that’s supposed to contain all the oatmeal toppings, only to find a piece of banana bread.

At first, I was mad.

Then, I realized that somewhere in this city, there’s a person who’s even more mad.

A person walking around with what they believe is a piece of banana bread, but is instead a tiny packet of brown sugar, dried fruit, and a plastic spoon.

Tuesday is...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:02:27 -0400

…accidentally leaving your oatmeal in the office microwave too long, so it spills over onto the glass plate of the microwave, and you have to scrape it back into the bowl, and so now your breakfast has the faintest taste of buttered popcorn.

Things My Best Friend Saved in the Fire

Mon, 08 Apr 2013 09:01:08 -0400

My best friend had a terrible apartment fire last week, which basically ruined everything. Well, except for a few, select, highly-prized items…

Things My Best Friend Saved in the Fire

1. Gold lamet spandex shorts

2. A faded ‘Marvel heros’ t-shirt

3. Five royal-blue bandanas

4. A sleveless muscle t-shirt from Cher’s 1999 “Believe” tour

5. Cut-off shorts in: dark denim, pink denim, stone-washed denim, and khaki

6. A sweatshirt that has otters in a boat, saying, “You Otter Be in Iowa!”

I appreciate the reminder about my upcoming dental...

Tue, 02 Apr 2013 09:01:00 -0400

I appreciate the reminder about my upcoming dental appointment.

But…

Should I be concerned about their use of what appear to be Church-praying-candles in the email?

I don’t want judgment.I just want us all to acknowledge...

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 09:25:00 -0400

I don’t want judgment.

I just want us all to acknowledge the fact that, after buying the new, Vaseline “Spray & Go” lotion, I was frustrated to learn that when you “Spray,” you can’t actually just “Go.”

You still have to rub it in, and then wait a few minutes to put your clothes on, and then go back to grab a towel, because you almost killed yourself on the “Spray & Go” lotion mist that’s pretty slippery when applied mostly to your bathroom floor.

Try this one on for size, you big hippie!

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:44:00 -0400

I cheated on Doctor Google today, and went to an actual, real life, trained and certified physician.

In addition to feeling a little guilty, I also was diagnosed with something called “Labyrinthitis,” which is one of those things that sounds really spooky and kind of awesome, and reminds you of that movie with Jennifer Connelly, so you get sort of excited in a very strange way…

…until you look it up on Wikipedia, and discover it’s basically an ear infection.

Last night...

Mon, 18 Mar 2013 12:13:00 -0400

…I noticed that someone in my area has a wireless network named “Banana Stand,” which obviously means I should find him and marry him.

(Unless it’s a lady, in which case we’ll just need to become best friends.)

My first question is: why, God, why? My second question is: does...

Wed, 27 Feb 2013 11:25:00 -0500

My first question is: why, God, why?

My second question is: does each chip taste like “Chicken & Waffles,” or are there some chips that are “Chicken” flavored and others that are “Waffles” flavored?

My third question is: can someone please buy a bag of these and let me try one?

May I present the first in a (hopefully long, regular) series,...

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 09:01:00 -0500

May I present the first in a (hopefully long, regular) series, entitled: “Animals who are Sad about Politics”

Places I Could Wear that Fun, Sparkly Top I've been Eyeing

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 09:23:14 -0500

My optometrist appointment
Comcast headquarters, to upgrade my digital cable box
The wine wholesaler that does free sample nights on Thursdays
Barnes and Noble, to pick up the new book I ordered, “Death Comes to Pemberley”
Work (as a camisole, under a completely buttoned cardigan)
The grocery store with the free parking lot
The Thai restaurant that has deemed my apartment “outside of the delivery zone”
Jury duty

I was a little torn about joining an online dating...

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 10:15:59 -0500

I was a little torn about joining an online dating site…

…until their first suggestion for a user name was “Carrie123_taco,” and something just felt really right.

That moment when...

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 09:29:57 -0500

…you’re feeling a little sad about it being the last birthday of your 20’s, and the day is too rainy and blah for your tastes, and just stupid little things are not exactly as you would want them…

…and a co-worker walks in with a container of brownies, because “I read it was your birthday on the gym bulletin board.”

It’s Jeopardy time!… Answer: Room, by Emma...

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 15:35:00 -0500

It’s Jeopardy time!…

Answer: Room, by Emma Donoghue

Category: ”Books I don’t recommend reading in one sitting, alone on your couch, in your tiny apartment.”

It's Snack Time, Ya'll

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 10:01:10 -0500

Monday’s the big day! Hope you have your granola bars and hard candies all ready to go…

B: I have tickets to the inauguration, any chance you want to come with me?
me: really? Wow, sure!
B: I’m asking you because, out of all my friends, you pack the best snacks.

Sometimes you’re just so stressed and emotionally...

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 10:13:08 -0500

Sometimes you’re just so stressed and emotionally exhausted and need some “me time” to meditate and reflect upon the important things in life.

Like movies about the nail-biting, cut-throat world of competitive show choir.

Joke (that wasn't intended as a joke) of the Day

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 16:18:00 -0500

Because yoga is really funny if you let it be…

him: were you ever a dancer?
me: hahaha
him: no, really
me: absolutely not, why do you ask?
him: because you had a beautiful line when everyone was in Warrior
me: was that the pose I fell down on?
him: yeah, but before you landed, you had a really lovely line.

What's New with Carrie

Tue, 20 Nov 2012 10:58:00 -0500

I’m not going to apologize for a prolonged absence.

No, I’m going to hope that, based on the following list of updates, it will become obvious why I’ve been so absent from your life recently…

Season 4 of Sister Wives began
My best friend gave me her password for Netflix Instant
I discovered that if you mix a brownie with caramel syrup and whipped cream, it tastes exactly like a Snickers bar
Uniqlo created an online shopping feature

Well, now that you’re caught up on my life — what’s new with you?? Tell me everything!

Words with Midwesterners

Wed, 05 Sep 2012 08:45:00 -0400

I’m back from Iowa, having stocked up on enough Midwestern charm for another calendar year. Like this…

lady: so you live in Washington DC, huh? Wow, that’s different!
me: yeah, ‘different’ is a good way of describing it.
lady: I had a sister who lived in DC for a while, but she got mugged a lot and moved back to Iowa.
me: that sounds about right.
lady: I think she finally decided that she’d rather wear her wedding ring out in public than have a gun pointed in her face, you know?

Gosh, it’s good to be home.

On the Road Again

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 09:07:16 -0400

I’m heading to the homeland for a couple weeks, and I’m DRIVING THERE.

You guys. Remember the last time I took a road trip with nothing to entertain me but my judgmental GPS?!

Here’s to hoping it has learned its lesson, and is willing to compromise on pit stops. Particularly as we get further into cheese country.